🥷 INSIDER-ISH INSIGHTS
Pelosi’s Portfolio Skyrockets After “Totally Normal” NVIDIA Timing Sends Wall Street Into Emotional Damage Spiral
Washington, D.C. — In what analysts are calling “the most textbook case of cartoon-level market timing,” Congressional filings released Friday show Nancy Pelosi adding to NVIDIA (NVDA) call options just hours before the chipmaker delivered blockbuster AI earnings that sent shares +22% in a single session.
John, our junior editors said:
“Dude. DUDE. She bought NVDA calls right before the AI boomstick went off? That’s like knowing your mom made pizza rolls before she even yelled up the stairs.”
Filings also show:
Chuck Schumer scooping up Microsoft (MSFT) three days before the company announced its new “AI Everywhere” pivot.
Mitch McConnell selling off Bank of America (BAC) the day before the bank admitted “minor liquidity turbulence” on its earnings call.
AOC quietly adding to Tesla (TSLA) before Elon tweeted “Cybertruck demand is blowing my mind,” causing the stock to lurch higher like a caffeinated gazelle.
Pelosi’s office released the usual one-line statement:
“Trades are managed by a financial advisor.”
Right. And DJ Khaled’s diet is “managed by a nutritionist.”
The market response?
NVDA surged. Congress got richer. Retail investors screamed into pillows.
America, baby. 🦅
President Trump sought to ease economic concerns with a prime-time address, in which he announced a “warrior dividend” for every US soldier and promised “aggressive housing reform” next year.
Tricolor executives were charged with “systemic fraud” after the subprime auto lender was found to have pledged the same loans to multiple lenders and falsified data.
Nick Reiner appeared in an LA courtroom for the first time yesterday after being charged with two counts of murder in the deaths of his parents, beloved filmmaker and actor Rob Reiner and photographer Michele Singer Reiner.
🏅 GOVERNMENT LEADERBOARD
Pelosi Is Basically Iron Man, McConnell Is Gandalf, and AOC Just Speedran Wall Street
Photo by JC Gellidon on Unsplash
Welcome back to the Government Gains Leaderboard, where democracy’s finest pretend they’re not playing on Legendary Difficulty.
🤖 Pelosi is still the undisputed champ. She buys NVDA and suddenly NVDA thinks it’s Bitcoin 2021.
🧙♂️ McConnell is over here making alpha with oil stocks like he’s roleplaying an ancient wizard of dividends.
💨 AOC? She bought the clean energy dip so hard the chart needed therapy.
Honestly, Congress trades better than half the Avengers.
And they don’t even need superpowers. Just calendars.🗓️
MSFT Pumps, CMG Rallies, DKNG Wins Big — F, ZM, HOOD Take L’s.
Microsoft (MSFT) +2.2%
AI update hit. Stock sent
Chipotle (CMG) +1.4%
Price hikes landed perfectly
DraftKings (DKNG) +0.9%
Sports betting went brrr
Ford (F) -5.2%
More EV delays. Stock sad
Zoom (ZM) -3.1%
Offices are back. Zoom is not
Robinhood (HOOD) -0.4%
Missed earnings. Got slapped
🇺🇸 INSIDER (BUT NOT ILLEGALO CORNER
Insider-ish Week: Zuck Sells Before META Dips, Dimon Trims Before JPM Wobbles, Pelosi Ducks The Regionals
This week was a masterclass in "interesting timing." 🕰️
Here is the highlight reel:
Zuck vs META
Zuckerberg files stock sales. Days later META reports weaker ad growth. Stock takes a double digit haircut.Dimon vs JPM
Jamie trims JPM shares. Bank then warns about rising credit stress on the call. Stock slides.Pelosi vs Regionals
Congressional filings show Pelosi's trust lightening up on regional banks. Some of those same names later issue "liquidity updates."
All legal. All disclosed. All very nicely lined up with reality.
If you are wondering why people stalk insider filings like it is a sport, this is why.
Reddit Degens Send VOLT To The Moon And Back Even Though The Company Has Like… One Employee And A Dream
Well well well, look who decided they’re smarter than Wall Street again.
Reddit took VoltEdge Energy (VOLT), a company that produces absolutely nothing except optimism, and shot it into orbit like it owed them money.
One meme. | One “YOLO or cry” post. | Boom — +96 percent.
This company’s entire asset list is basically:
• One prototype 💡
• One engineer ✍️
• One Canva-made slide deck 🖥️
And yet here we are… watching it trade like it cured climate change.
Classic degeneracy. I respect it. 🫡
🇺🇸 ELEPHANT VS. DONKEY
Elephants Buy Oil. Donkeys Buy AI. Wall Street Buys Popcorn.
This week’s bipartisan breakdown is exactly what you’d expect.
🐘 Republicans
Republicans stacked up on:
• Exxon (XOM)
• Chevron (CVX)
• Lockheed Martin (LMT)
• Anything with a drill or a missile
🫏 Democrats
Democrats loaded up on:
• Tesla (TSLA)
• NVIDIA (NVDA)
• Solar and wind plays
• Anything with the letters A and I
Performance?
Oil popped. Chips ran. Both sides won.
The only loser was anyone trading without insider-ish instincts.
TODAY'S POLL
When $SOL to the moon?
📊 TRADES OF THE DAY
Whale Loads Up MSFT Like It’s Bulk Costco Shopping, AMC Trader Becomes Accidental Legend, Tesla Options Commit Arson Again
Let’s run through today’s circus:
A big-money mystery whale bought $200M of Microsoft (MSFT) in one go. The kind of flex that says, “I don’t check prices, prices check me.”
Some poor soul panic-sold AMC at the exact peak because “my hands started sweating.” And guess what? It tanked right after. Accidentally a superhero. Zero training.
Meanwhile TSLA, the drama queen of the market, triggered a chain reaction in options land after Elon tweeted a blurry photo of a Cybertruck. Suddenly every degenerate went full “TO THE MOON OR THE MORGUE.”
In summary:
The market is a circus, and today everyone was a clown or a lion tamer.
Reddit Goes Investigative: The Case of FRDY And The Suspiciously Perfect Contract Timing
The watchdogs of Reddit are at it again.
This time, r/MarketWatchdog is ripping into Frontier Dynamics (FRDY) after a federal contract announcement lined up with some eyebrow-raising trading patterns.
Here’s what they found:
Options volume popped 5x right before the news.
A lobbyist tied to the project suddenly connected with FRDY execs online.
A congressional aide accidentally leaked hints in a tweet they deleted in 12 minutes.
One Reddit comment summed it up:
“Not illegal. Just the universe having suspiciously good comedic timing.”
The thread is now bigger than the contract itself.
💰 WARREN'S
Buffett Buys Trains, Dumps AI,
And Drinks Coke Like It’s Holy Water.
Photo by JC Gellidon on Unsplash
Let’s talk about Warren “I Eat Volatility For Breakfast” Buffett.
The dude YOLO’d more money into RailAmerica (RAIL) like he’s preparing for the great teleportation shortage of 2040.
Then he sliced his stake in HyperCloud AI (HCAI) right before the stock face-planted on earnings. How does he do that? X-Ray vtision? Insider zen? Some kind of financial Spidey-sense?
And of course he bought more Coca-Cola (KO) because the man is 40 percent soda at this point.
Buffett doesn’t invest. He just sees the future and shrugs.
THE INVESTOR CALL
We just dropped a brand-new newsletter all about AI investing, and it’s free 🎁
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🏆 The Oscars are moving to YouTube, signing a new deal giving the streaming platform exclusive airing rights from 2029-2033; it’ll mark the first time in 50+ years that the Academy Awards aren’t televised on ABC.
📺 Instagram launches IG for TV, a new app allowing users to watch Reels on televisions, starting with Amazon Fire TVs.
🏀 New York Knicks defeat San Antonio Spurs to win third NBA Cup in league history (new midseason tournament); it’s the Knicks’ first NBA trophy since winning the 1973 NBA Championship.
⚠️ BULLS & BEARS
HyperCloud AI (HCAI) is the battlefield.
Welcome to today’s episode of “People Yelling About A Stock Like It Owes Them Money.” 🤯.Bulls Say HCAI Is The Future. Bears Say It’s Doomed. I Say Grab Popcorn And Watch The Fight.
🐮 Bulls
“This thing is gonna be the NVIDIA of the cloud!”
They’re already planning their yacht names.
🐻 Bears
“This stock is a crime scene.”
They’re shorting like they’re avenging a fallen friend.
Both sides have charts, data, and way too much caffeine.
Only one side will be right.
Neither will shut up about it. Comment on this post
👶 EXPLAIN LIKE I'M 5
What’s a Market Bubble? A Trend That Gets Too Cute… Then Suddenly Isn’t
So imagine your whole class gets obsessed with a new glitter pen. ✍️
Everyone wants one.
Everyone trades their snacks for one.
People say things like “glitter pens will change the world.”
🤔 Then someone notices…
It’s still just a pen.
People stop caring.
Prices drop.
The magic vibe disappears.
This week’s price action tells a familiar story: The market wants to believe… but not everyone is convinced just yet 🤔📉
